Shadows of a Love to Be Found
by SummerRaven
Summary: Trip and T'pol are abducted and she has amnesia. Trip/T'pol.
1. Trips POV

Shadows of a Love to be Found

By: The Raven Twins (StarlitRaven, and SummerRaven)

T'pol/Trip

I don't own star trek I cant say these are mine don't hate, or sue me please.

"Commander Tucker Personal Log:

The doc says that givin' my experience over the last month…'_Its hard t' believe it was only a month'…_ I should record the events in a log to try an' come to grips with some o' what happened.  Says that it'll allow me t' gain some a' the closer I need.  But I know better I'll never forget an' the memory o' what happened'll never diminish.  I still ache to feel her in my arms again.  Well if I'm gonna to do this, I'll do it right, I'll start at the beginning…"

"We were on our way back from deliverin' supplies t' the medical facility on the space station.  We had almost made it back t' the shuttle when all hell broke loose, there was a loud noise 'comp'nied by a burst o' light so fer a moment T'pol an' I were blinded.  While we were tryin' t' get outta there they attacked we didn' even have time t' grab fer our phase pistols b'for we were knocked out. They used some kinda injection the last thing I remember was seein' them do the same t' T'pol an' thinkin' 'bout how much I wanted to break there heads 'cause they attacked her."

"I dunno how long I was kept under, but when I started comin' around I heard voices in a language I didn' recognize. My head hurt an' so did most o' my body.  Then I thought about T'pol an' wondered if she was awake as well. I opened my eyes a crack t' see if she was near me.  Nothin' could have prepared me fer what I saw. We were in the middle o' three bulky aliens, one o' them hit T'pol.  She had been standing but she fell t' the deck. What struck me hardest was T'pol 'erself. She was cryin'.  It only took me a moment to regain my wits b'for I could think otherwise- which I realized later was a mistake- I jumped up with all my strength and, usin' all the self defense I learned in the academy, I knocked the guards to the ground an' when went to look at T'pol, she shied away from me and that I knew somethin' was terribly wrong. She was tremblin'-"

"Computer pause log:"  (He stands and begins to pace) "Gawd, I cringe to think what might 'ave happened if I hadn't woke up then 'r if I hadn't been there, and I get so angry I cant stop shakin'.  Okay Tucker, just take a deep breath" (sits slowly)…"Computer resume log entry:"

"-When I asked 'T'pol, are you all right' she looked at me in the strangest way an' said, "I know you?" it was half a statement an' half a question like she wasn't sure. I got m'first look in her eyes at that point an' what I saw broke my heart. She was scared. I couldn' believe it. The beautiful, strong woman I knew was nowhere in the eyes that stared at me with a mix o' fear an' wonder.  I did the only thing I could think of- I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her hair, all the while whisperin' 'its all right, T'pol. Its okay, we'll get though this.' My voice seemed t' calm 'er down an' I nearly jumped out o' my skin when I heard her whisper, 'Trip.' I knew it wasn't much but she at least knew my name. I got excited an' said, 'Yes, yes that's right, y'know me?' She looked unsure an' replied, 'Your voice, it sounds...' She never got t' finish 'cause at that moment more guards came in an' used some kind o' weapon t' shoot T'pol unconscious, then I went down under a blow from one o' our new guests. O'viously he was mad that I knocked out his friends. I remember my last thoughts just b'for I lost consciousness were of T'pol, 'For as long as we are here I am not gonna leave her alone.'"

"Computer pause log: Strange, I didn' even like 'er. We fought more of'en than not on the enterprise, an' yet my first impulse was t' protect her. I don't think I could'a done anythin' else- I didn't even think that we could have been there for years. We could have been in different cells, 'r we could have been executed.  I know now I would have died t' keep her safe, I still will but what does it mean" (shaking his head)… "Computer resume log:"

"When I woke up the ground b'low me was cold but the light was bright, I wondered fer a second where I was.  It only took a moment fer me t' remember what happened an' I immediately looked for T'pol. I found her 'bout a meter away.  I allowed m'self only a second t' rejoice over that b'for movin' to 'er 'an checkin' 'er vitals.  She was breathin', her pulse was strong, she 'ad a bruise on 'er left cheek an' her lip was cracked, but she was fine. I allowed her to stay asleep while I looked at our surroundin's.  We were in what looked like a large valley, with steep sheer sides prob'bly about twenty five meters high. The only way out looked t' be a door in the rock face 'bout three meters away. The valley was about the size of a large warehouse, there were a number of small make shift buildings an' about a two dozen other humanoids about.  I knew it was only a matter o' time b'for the cap'n found us, but I didn't want t' take any chances so I started getting' ready fer the night ahead. My mind kept wandering t' T'pol, who was awake now but still remembered nothin'.  The bruise on 'er cheek was bad, but that blow couldn't have caused the memory loss.  I kept wonderin' what had they done t' her…"

"We settled inta a routine just like the others. It wasn't hostile most o' the prisoners were just like us didn't know why they were abducted 'r by who. They were just walkin' along an' someone grabbed 'em. One thing I did notice that struck me as odd was no two were the same species.  Our days were spent keepin' out o' the sun an' lookin' fer any reason why we were there, an' how we could get out.  Our nights were spent in the houses we could build out o' what we could find. They supplied blankets an' food, water was found at a stream that ran though the valley. T'pol o'viously didn't like cold the first night so I gave 'er my blanket as well. She looked- an' I still cant believe this- guilty, so I told 'er 'I'm fine, I always liked the cold.' That seemed t' help, but the next night she wouldn't buy it anymore. She tried t' give it back. It was illogical an' I told 'er that but she seemed not t' care. I saw so many things in her eyes over that month. I liked stubborn best. I thought it was strange then an' it still is now. We eventually came t' a compromise she slept on 'er side an' I slept behind 'er, close enough t' help keep 'er warm, but not in a position that the smell would bother 'er.  An' that was how we lived fer two weeks."

"Now is where I think ill 'ave the most difficulty explainin' things cause 'ere is where I got lost. But I feel like I found somethin' precious at the same time, somethin' ill never find again but will carry with me forever.-Listen t' me I sound like an' idiot.- One day it was overcast so that night was colder than usual. T'pol was shiverin' despite both the blankets an' me beside her. I moved a little closer, hopin' that since she was asleep she wouldn't mind.  What she did took away my breath, she rolled over in 'er sleep an' laid 'er head on my shoulder, put 'er arm across my chest sighed and settled down. In seconds she wasn't shiverin' anymore and she was smilin' in 'er sleep.  I wondered fer a moment if Vulcan's dreamed, if that was why she was smilin', if so what was she dreamin', an' it hit me. She was in my arms an' she felt like she belonged there.  Her face was perfect in the moonlight - 'r should I say lights cause there were two moons.- It didn't matter. All I could think was I had this beautiful woman in my arms, knowin' I might never have this again only made me more aware o' how wonderful it was.  In that night I memorized all I could about her face I could stare at 'er fer hours watchin' 'er face change in 'er sleep. It was the most beautiful kinda torture. I relished in every smile, I worried at every tear, an' I felt the urge to ease every knot that creased her brow.  Still now I can close my eyes an' remember every line, every curve of her face an' it makes my fingers itch with the desire t' touch it again."

"Pause log: As I pause and take a shuddering breath" (dripping with sarcasm). "What time is it, 18 hours, 54 minutes.  Gawd, I've been talkin' fer hours, talkin' to m'self, people'll start t' think I'm crazy.  Dousn' matter, cause I am I'm crazy enough t' fall fer her knowin' that she was gunna go back t' the way she was b'for. Resume log:"

"The night that'll haunt my memory 'til the end o' my days, was two nights b'for we were rescued.  I woke up middle o' the night, an' it had been warm durin' the day so the night was warm too.  I looked down at the sleepin' beauty in my arms an' had this overwhelmin' desire t' kiss 'er. I told m'self she would hate me, but it didn' help so I bent my head an' quickly kissed the top o' 'er head.  Fig'red that maybe she wouldn' notice cause she was asleep an' all.  SHE WAS WAKE. An' did what I never expected; she turned 'er head up and moved 'er hand from my shoulder t' the back o' my neck, -just THAT an' I couldn't think clearly- then she pulled me back t' her an' kissed me. This was not chaste, nor was it wild. It was pure…SOMETHING. It seemed t' last forever, then I stopped an' it seemed so short. 'We have t' stop T'pol,' I said it with my mind, but my heart was scremin' for me not to. She looked confused but didn't ask why, she just settled back down an' after a few minutes went back t' sleep.  I felt like I 'ad just survived a warp breach, like the ground beneath me 'ad bin heaved up an' then settled again. It took me hours t' get my head back.  Then I realized that as that woman she wouldn't talk t' me fer turning her away, an' as the T'pol she was b'for- and is now- she wouldn't talk t' me because I kissed 'er in the first place.  I went t' sleep that night hopin' that one o' them would forgive me eventually."

"Two days later, we were found an' the doc found some kinda chemical in T'pol's blood, said it was ingested -It 'ad been in 'er food the whole time. That was what was blocken' her memories.  He said it would take about a week b'for she began t' go back t' normal,-one week an' the dream would be over- said that the best thing t' do was get some rest.  We found out the aliens that abducted us were runnin' experiments on alien in'eraction an' in the cases o' some o' the species memories were blocked so they wouldn't be recognized. We never did find out why they had felt the need t' attack T'pol on that first day, but not all questions have answers fer all we know the whole story was false.  I guess I should continue, you'd think the adventure would end there but it didn't there's just a little bit more."

"That night I was in my quarters gettin' ready fer bed when the chime on my door sounded I fig'red it would be the cap'n with his 'glad your backs.' 'Enter' I called without lookin'. I had just showered an' was in my pants but no shirt, when I turned around to see T'pol standin' there in her sweats and that little shirt she was wearin' after that first mission when we were in the decon chamber.  My breath caught in my chest at the sight of 'er. It only took a second to respond with, 'T'pol, what are you doin' 'ere?' too late. I realized it was rude.  She looked upset an' asked, 'Do you want me to leave?' I felt like a cad "NO, no o' course not."  She seemed relieved. I asked her t' sit. Once she did she seemed to gain the courage to say what she came t' say, 'Can I spend the night here…with you, I mean?' she said it quietly. I almost didn' hear her.  My heart went int' warp drive at that one question. 'O'course, that would be fine.' She smiled at me an' I felt a stab of pain at the thought that that smile might be one of 'er last.  She spent the night with me for three more nights b'for she became comf'rtable again, then she returned to 'er own quarters.  That first night alone was torture; it took me hours t' find somethin' comf'rtable. It's been a week since she last slept by my side, and I still wake up sometimes thinkin' she'll be there and it's a shock when shes not. Makes me feel kinda hollow, bein' without 'er."

"She's completely back t' normal now, an' she still talks t' me. I don't know why she hasn't mentioned what happened. God knows, I'm too embarrassed t' talk about it t' her so all that's left is t' put it b'hind me.  I don't think I ever will, but I'll consider m'self fortunate t' have had the pleasure of seein' the woman T'pol can be, even if it did leave me wantin' more… so much more."

"Computer end log entrée: Computer lock file my voice access only.  I better get t' sleep not that I have t' work 'til next week; cap'n gave me enough time off t' recover from surgery.  (Door chime rings) What time is it, 21 hours 04 minutes, who would be comin' by now?  Enter."  (T'pol enters, back to her usual unreadable self.) "Oh T'pol, I wasn't expectin' t' see you, come in an' have a seat. What can I do fer ya?" '_Gawd listen to me babble, can she just go I really don't need this now_' "I came by to discuss what happened during our imprisonment." '_Funny how she can make it sound like it was so trivial_' "Ya, what about?", "The night you kissed me", '_The way she says it I cant tell if she's pissed 'r just tryin' t' tell me she doesn't reciprocate the feelin's, either way I want t' be anywhere but here._' "Yes?"  "It has come to my attention that you may have romantic feelings toward me."  '_She makes it sound so technical._' "Ya I do, I'm sorry 'bout what happened. I wont let it happen again." (T'pol shakes her head at this and looks at him with a surprising amount of emotion on her face.)  "Trip, I'm sorry about my animosity in the past, but I would like to change."  (T'pol stands and slowly walks over to Trip, kneeling in front of him. She moves in and slowly kisses him. She's tentative at first unsure of how to proceed, Trip slowly reaches out and, placing his hands on either side of her face, deepens the kiss. After a few seconds trip moves away looking in her eyes)  "Are you sure?"  "Yes I'm sure."  (And with that they kiss again.)


	2. T'pols POV

Shadows of a love to be found  
  
By: The Raven Twins (StarlitRaven, SummerRaven)  
  
We do not own the star trek universe we do not make money off of these we just have fun.  
  
The monolog is difficult to follow at times just remember the style is mostly monolog so all scene description has to be done in her words I did take reviews into account and tried to de-clutter it.  
  
So now by popular demand T'pol's POV.  
  
  
  
1 "Sub-Commander T'pol Personal log:"  
  
(T'pol is sitting on the floor of her quarters in front of a thick off white candle) "The events of the past month have been unsettling. A detailed analysis of the chemical used on me will be filed with the Vulcan High Command. The events of our imprisonment will be difficult to explain but I will attempt to recall.  
  
"We were delivering medical supplies to the space station. After the completion of our task we planned to go back to the shuttle and return to Enterprise. We were ambushed approximately ten minutes after leaving our final meeting. They used sedatives injected into the neck to render Commander Tucker and I unconscious.  
  
"When I regained consciousness there were three large aliens standing above me, I remembered nothing and my Vulcan abilities were also blocked.- it is my belief that though what the doctor found in my blood was ingested, the initial dose was injected.  
  
They were screaming at me in their native language they were obviously agitated, and I felt scared  
  
-Computer delete last word  
  
-Apprehensive. I stood up and the lead alien struck me across the cheek. I began to cry from…fear. When I hit the deck I began to cry harder from the pain in my left cheek.  
  
"Commander Tucker had also regained consciousness by then, and had seen them attack me. Against all logic he jumped up and attacked the aliens. He had surprised them so they were not prepared and were incapacitated in moments.  
  
"I shrunk back in apprehension when he ran towards me and tried to touch my face. This seemed to shake him for a moment, he asked me in a breathless voice 'T'pol, are you all right?' I just stared at him in confusion. At the time I wasn't sure if I knew him or not so I said 'I know you?'  
  
"The Commander looked hurt his eyes grew darker and his voice quavered as he wrapped his arms around me and began whispering that it would be okay. I felt safe in his arms, it defies logic and reason but his voice was so familiar and his arms felt reassuring. I searched my mind for who this person was, but only one word came to mind.  
  
"-It's strange that of all the crew on Enterprise the one name I remembered in the two weeks we were there was Commander Tucker's. -  
  
"He was still holding me when I whispered in a very low voice, 'Trip.'  
  
"-It's also strange that I remembered Trip, I never call him that and ended up using that name for three weeks. -  
  
"He seemed elated at the flicker of memory, 'Yes, yes that's right. Do you know me?'  
  
I wasn't sure and began to reply 'Your voice…it sounds familiar.' But was cut off when more guards entered the room and again rendered us unconscious.  
  
"When next I woke I was on the ground, Commander Tucker was standing about one meter away. I was scared  
  
"-Computer delete last word.  
  
"-In pain from the bruise on my cheek. I felt nauseated from what I'm assuming to be the onset of the memory suppressors.  
  
"Since Tr-" (T'pol shook her head and cleared her mind.) "Since Commander Tucker was the only familiar element there I stayed close to him.  
  
"The nights were uncomfortably cold so the Commander and I took to sleeping under the same blanket for warmth.  
  
"One night was particularly cold and I was shivering despite our efforts to keep me warm. Commander Tucker noticed and tried to move closer but it didn't help. Preferring not to freeze I rolled over a laid my head on his shoulder and moved until I was up against his body. For a moment he seemed to stop breathing and his body felt even warmer than before.  
  
"-There are a great many things that I find strange about this mission; the fact that I was willing to lay next to Commander Tucker of my own choice when at P'jem I did not wish to lay next to Captain Archer.  
  
"-Commander Tucker quickly recovered from his shock and put his arms around me. Within a minute I had stopped shaking and quickly fell asleep.  
  
"After that night I continued to sleep on his shoulder with his arms around me, it was warmer and he seemed to feel it was okay. I am hesitant to say I believe he enjoyed it.  
  
"Two days before we were rescued I noticed that he was staring at me while I slept, I wasn't upset by it so I chose to ignore it just then.  
  
"After a long period studying my face he sighed bent his head and kissed the top of mine. It made my body shiver but not with cold, with warmth. Anxious for more I turned my head up and with my free hand pulled him to me. The kiss left me breathless and warm all over like liquid heat. When he suddenly pulled away I felt lost.  
  
"Computer pause log:" T'pol shook herself mentally, reminding herself that emotions were inappropriate 'my thoughts are a turbulent lake, with my mind clear, the lake will calm.' She recited the ancient mantra in her mind and felt her body and mind grow calm. With renewed peace of mind she continued  
  
"Computer resume log: I didn't know then why Commander Tucker stopped but now that I have my memories back, I believe I do. He knew I didn't like being touched and that I would feel badly of him or myself for my lapse.  
  
"That night I fell asleep listening to his heart rate slow, and wondering, 'why'?…  
  
"Over the course of our imprisonment I rarely found Commander Tuckers scent unpleasant. The only times I did find it unpleasant were when he had been overexerting himself, other than that it was a kind of spicy musk like some of the candles used in calming meditations.  
  
"Once we were rescued the doctor found chemicals in my blood, one in particular was blocking my memories and with them my knowledge of Vulcan emotional suppression. They said it had been put in our food daily and that it targeted only specific species. It was concluded that my body would naturally expel the chemicals gradually and that my memory would be back to normal in approximately one week.  
  
"The first night we were back on Enterprise I couldn't sleep so I went to phlox, he said "being around so many people you don't remember, it is logical that you would be apprehensive of being alone." He suggested that I go see Commander Tucker a more familiar face might make me more comfortable. I was skeptical but took his advice.  
  
"I went to Commander Tuckers quarters. He seemed surprised when he saw me standing in his door way. He invited me in and when I asked him if I could stay the night he looked even more stunned.  
  
"I spent three more nights with him in his quarters before returning to my own. After more than three weeks sleeping with Trip, I missed him, his warmth and his scent. And I missed the way I felt when I was in his arms, while I laid there in my quarters, alone.  
  
"Computer end log:  
  
My superiors will not approve," she thought out loud. "I admitted to fear, apprehension, I behaved in a manner unbecoming a Vulcan, and I called him Trip." She couldn't submit this to the Vulcan High Command. They would declare her unbalanced. 'I can erase this log and rewrite it later, however I may one day want or need this log.'  
  
"Computer save log entry to personal file T'pol and restrict access; my personal security code only and erase from my duty logs.  
  
T'pol sat down to begin her meditation but her thoughts return to Trip, 'I can call him Trip in my mind. I still miss sleeping with him, I miss the warmth.' She thought to her self. 'And that kiss comes to mind every time I see him.'  
  
'From what I know of human attraction I believe he is attracted to me, by the way his heart rate increases and his scent grows thicker when we touch.'  
  
'I want to pursue some kind of personal relationship with him. I have feelings towards him that I don't yet understand because this has never happened before. However I don't know if he would share my desire to explore this because I have been so unpleasant with him in the past.  
  
'Commander Tucker has shown great forgiveness in the past, more than I would expect from a human.  
  
'Maybe its time I let go of my preconceived notions about humanity, Trip has already proved he is not like most humans.' And with that she left her quarters and headed for Commander Tuckers.  
  
On her way she began to question her decision, 'what if his attraction was nothing more than a reaction to the stress of our situation? What will happen if he does reciprocate my feelings? How am I going to tell him, where will I begin? Well "every adventure begins with a question," mine is, "can I learn to love?"'  
  
She pushed the chime on his door, after a few seconds he called "enter"  
  
T'pol entered and stood in by the door way with as much composure as she could.  
  
"Ohhh T'pol, I wasn't expecting to see you, come in an' have a seat. What can I do for ya?"  
  
'The kiss is the best place to start,' she thought "I came by to discuss what happened during our imprisonment." She was trying to keep her emotions in check.  
  
"Ya, what about?"  
  
'His calm detachment is making it harder to maintain my composure, it should be making this easier, but its not.' "the night we kissed,"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
'Why is he just sitting there asking question?' She shifted "It has come to my attention that you may have romantic feelings towards me,"  
  
Before she could finish what she was saying he broke in, all detachment gone he looked pained. "Ya I do, I'm sorry about what happened. I wont let it happen again." He was now staring intently at the floor.  
  
She felt elated and saddened at the same time. She hadn't meant to hide her feelings that much, but he did have feelings for her and that was a start.  
  
Dropping her defense she whispered in a tight voice "Trip,"  
  
At this he looked up, some shocked surprise showing and his face.  
  
"I'm sorry about my animosity in the past," she began "but I would like to change."  
  
It was time to remove her barriers she stood and slowly moved to him and knelt on the floor in front of him. He just sat there staring at her in hope and wonder until she leaned in and tentatively kissed him. She feels relieved when he reaches up to cup her face with his hands, and as he deepens the kiss she feels that same warmth she had the first time. When he slowly pulled away she remembered the last time 'We have to stop T'pol.'  
  
When he looked at her his eyes were glazed, but the intensity was unmistakable. "Are you sure?"  
  
Relieved again she replied, "Yes I'm sure."  
  
He smiled and as they kissed again T'pol thought, 'Here is peace, and shadows of a love to be found…' 


End file.
